I ride in a female-led bike group that meets at the Lakewood Whole Foods every Tuesday evening. This last Tuesday I had spent all day drinking and riding around town with one of the other riders. By the time we arrived at Whole Foods I was ready to ride. I made it a half a mile away before I realized that I left my backpack on the Whole Foods patio. A friend of mine and I bolted back to the Whole Foods where luckily my backpack still sat. We then made the decision to try and catch up with the group. We went hard and fast and made it to Exposition Park, where we knew they were heading. I don’t know where my head was at, but something took over me and I went so hard.
I was extremely upset with myself for forgetting my bag, for being the slowest one in the group. I was also pushing myself, telling myself I could go faster. We not only caught up with the group, but at the final push towards the end of the ride I was blowing by everyone. My mind had been broken, I was in those moments, a slightly-inebriated beast.
On the ride home the beast was gone. Yes I was pushing myself a tad harder than usual, but the raging need to go faster had subsided. I fell behind the two riders I was with and I turned down a different street and rode home.
Going that hard felt great….endorphins I would guess.
I don’t know where the push went on the way home. Falling behind and having no motivation to catch up. I find it hard to push myself in most situations. Always assuming that I am not going to be good enough -fast enough. Afraid of failure.
I have to work on keeping a positive mindset.
I am trying my best and I will get better.
Then I may lead my own ride.
Or at least be able to keep up through the night.
I listen to the Nerdist Podcast, to be honest the majority of the podcasts I listen to come from Nerdist Industries. I listen to the podcast via iTunes, and not from the Nerdist website, so when I hear Chris talk about the comments left on the episodes page, I don’t know what he’s talking about.
Today as I was scrolling through my twitter feed I clicked on a link from TJ Miller, the link was for his return to the Nerdist Podcast. I scrolled down the episode page and got to the comments. I am seeing things like “I was ready to slap somebody” and things about getting rid of Matt Mira and Jonah Ray. There wasn’t an abudndance of negative comments by any means. In fact the majority of the comments were strong disagreements with the negative comments. I just feel that one negative is one too many. Why is there the desire to basically hurl insults and grievences at anyone. It’s the thing of, “your opinion of me is none of my business.”
Is this really what is acceptable behavior? To just blindly insult someone because you didn’t like something that they did? I mean the only person I ever insult is myself. I feel terrible every time I do hate on myself so why would anyone want to do that to anyone else?
Welcome to the internet?
I have been falling behind on keeping up with music due to trying to keep up with podcasts. So I figured the best way to listen to an album was to work out to a new album every day. Today’s album was Oh, Inverted World by The Shins.
Now I have been a fan of The Shins since I saw Garden State, which was in 2004. (Whoa I have accomplished nothing in nearly 9 years.) I just haven’t heard their albums straight through I think in ever. The song “Girl Inform Me” kind of reminds me of the movie That Thing You Do.
As I run exasperated on the stride machine I feel the elegant chill of music flow over em as I sit on slightly dewy grass in a park. As “Girl Inform Me” fades into “New Slang” I stand up and begin to dance around in a summer dress whose fabric has sunflowers over tiny black checkers. I dance with my hair up in a ponytail and a girl joins me. She somewhat resembles Tegan Quin and she is wearing khaki shorts, and a button up oversized, pink shirt. We dance together through “The Celibate Life.” We stop dancing and applaud the music. I dance alone in the style of Ian Curtis during “Girl on the Wing.” Looking cute the entire time of course.
I suddenly realize that my twenty minutes are up on the machine and I slow down my pace then step off the machine. I am dripping with sweat -gross. I walk around in small circles and then make my way over to the weight machine and do my reps with fifty pounds. I wonder why “Your Algebra” is so creepy and wet.
I leave the ‘Fitness Center’ feeling accomplished and with a renewed interested in seeing The Shins preform live.
Okay so I have had this tumblr for a couple years now and I still haven’t gotten around to really using it. That changes today. This year I want to accomplish things. Things like learning chinese, losing weight (and staying in shape,) writing more, learning how to change a bike tire, and some more along the way. From now on I am going to use this tumblr to share this with the terrible Internet.